For those of you who stopped breathing today after the “news” about the “reopening of the email investigation” because a bunch of “reporters” just went with “Congressman” Jason Chaffetz’s totally false press release instead of, y’know, doing some “reporting,” I’m here to help, no ironic quotation marks.
It’s all bullshit.
1. The Emails Did Not Come From Her Private Server.
2. The Emails Did Not Come From Hillary Clinton.
3. The Device The Emails Were Found On Did Not Belong To Clinton.
4. There Were Only 3 Emails Being Checked.
5. The Clinton Campaign Is Already Asking For Transparency.
You may now resume normal human activities. Yes, Mollie Byron, this means you; please start breathing again. And also, you’re my witness that I called this a “nothing burger” several before the big shot media types did.
The next reporter that takes Jason Chaffetz at his word without checking the source materials should be summarily fired with no recourse. And the publication should be boycotted, like, forever.
Bonus: and yes, true story, it’s all Anthony Weiner’s fault.
I’ve been waiting a long time to say this, but man, that guy is a total dick.
Silence. Rim shot.
Try the veal.