Game Of Thrones, Presidential Version

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My favorite (!) Washington Post reporter, Chris Cillizza, had a story earlier this week trying to analogize presidential candidates to Game of Thrones characters. Didn’t really work for me. Cersei/Hillary is obvious, but Trump as Robert Baratheon? Please. Here’s a list of his choices. Then I’ll give you some of mine, and ask for you to help me do better than Cillizza.

Donald Trump: Robert Baratheon
Hillary Clinton: Cersei Lannister
Bernie Sanders: Ellaria Sand
Ted Cruz: Tyrion Lannister
Jeb Bush: Stannis Baratheon
Marco Rubio: Renly Baratheon
John Kasich: Rickon Stark
Martin O’Malley: Ned Stark
Carly Fiorina: Margaery Tyrell
Ben Carson: Gregor Clegane
Mike Huckabee: The High Sparrow
Chris Christie: Jorah Mormont
Rand Paul: Khal Drogo
Rick Perry: Robb Stark
Lindsey Graham: Davos Seaworth
Scott Walker: Jon Arryn

What a mess. No no no no no.

Bernie Sanders is the High Sparrow. Self-righteous, rigid, increasingly apocalyptic in his pronouncements.

Ted Cruz is Robin Arryn. Sexually creepy, physically ineffectual, and talks a tougher game than he actually is capable of playing.

Martin O’Malley is Mance Rayder (the book version). He’s a smooth talker, a handsome chameleon who uses his musical talents to insinuate himself into situations that would otherwise be off limits to him.

Scott Walker is Jon Arryn, but for completely different reasons. He’s the seemingly important character who gets killed before anyone really has any idea what the plot is about.

Marco Rubio is Syrio Forrell. Pretty, moves well, looks good with a sword, but ultimately isn’t up to staying alive when the heavy shit starts coming down.

Bill Clinton is Robert Baratheon. They share similar excessive appetites for all things and are ultimately undone by them. And their wives are left to figure out what the hell to do when they’re no longer in power.

Rand Paul is Loras Tyrell. Pretty, turns a phrase like Loras wields a sword, the entire press corps swooned for him like the King’s Landing court did for Loras, but when the shit hit the fan, they both wilted.

Those are the best ones I’ve got. You got a good one? Toss it out in the comments.

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